Rules for Volleyball Players

Don't ask why, but I had the pleasure of going to a teenage volleyball tournament earlier today.  You would not believe how testosteroney it gets in those oven-gyms; I thought I would grow a hairy ball sack any minute from the XXY hormones steaming from the players' bodies.  Though there were a few hoe-looking girls in there, but they were obscured by the giant beasts I refer to as "Helgas." With that in mind I've composed a list of rules for volleyball players.  Beware, the following material may be considered offensive to anyone offended by what the list comprises.  (Yes I am aware of my redundancy, but how else am I going to get my point across?)

1. If you are in excess of 10% body fat, your shorts must cover your ass completely.  No "if's", "and's", or "BUTT's"! No one wants to see anymore cellulite than necessary, so keep your ham-stuffed rear end inside your three-sizes-too-small spandex shorts.

2. On the issue of ass, don't slap it.  It just makes you seem gayer than you already are.  It is not fun, it is not sexy (well, not in a volleyball match), nor is it a heterosexual activity for females.

3. Revenge is acceptable on anyone who slaps your ass (just don't get back at them by slapping their ass).

4. Shave your fucking, gorilla/cow legs, you dirty plumber.  This goes back to the appearing lezbatronic issue.  Make no mistake, I roll with the gays; but as for the teenage girls, high school kids can be mean ass mother fuckers bent on killing your mother, fucking your boyfriend, and face-raping your little brother with a snow shovel.  Anyways, find the courage to put a razor to your skin and pull!

5. Don't use a pelvic thrust as a victory cheer.  Believe it or not I actually saw this.


Glad I could lecture you on volleyball etiquette,
Lin(d)s / FF

Spring Break is Over

Well, I'm happy to report that spring break is over, thus the local snots are back to school and out of my hair.  It's not that I don't like them it's just that I...don't like them!  They cause unnecessary noise and pollute the streets with bicycles, popsicle sticks, and condoms.  Why reproduce?  First comes pregnancy, then birth (the worst pain in the world, apparently), then the crying, pooping, and pretty soon they're having sex on your bed with some boy with lip piercings.  How is that fun?  Sure, they "take care of you" when you are old; they just put you in a home.  Sigh, but, alas, people continue to have them--I never will, and I'm proud.

My Name

Wondering about my name(s)?  How kind!  My blog title and nickname, Facetious Face, is just that.  A funny face, because why go through life without sporting a funny facial expression every now and then?  They make the world go around; without them, we'd all be a bunch of stiffs--and not the good kind *wink*.  Lin(d)s is short for my birth name, Lindsey.  The reason I put the parentheses around the "d" is that it is never pronounced.  So often I hear Linz, that I've given up on even trying to hear the slight "d" sound, so I make it clear that you need not pronounce it.

Au revoir for now,

Lin(d)s / FF

Well, Hello

Bonjour, mes amis, as they say in French. They also say, "Allez vous faire foutre," but I won't get into that...yet. At least not to you, my faithful (or not) readers. Why would I insult you all? I barely know you, but I suppose over a length of time you will get to know me fairly well. I am a cynic. Other people and their false motives confound me to the point of boiling over the edge, so rather than enrolling in a mental institution, I'm starting a blog to unleash my frustration upon. We will encounter a few laughs along the way, for many human beings are (I hate to say) stupid. They're stupid in school, then they move on to be stupid in their jobs, their relationships, even on the road! Therefore, I've made it my hobby to observe their erroneous life happenings and report them to you, my readers. Just to warn you, I am opinionated and audacious, so if I happen to tell someone that he should get his head out of his rear end, you will understand why. Nothing is complete without a goal, so I will tell you mine. My goal is to bring to the general public not an understanding of the fallacies of our day to day lives, but attentiveness to the comedic properties of such. There is humor in why certain individuals can't bring themselves to acknowledge and correct their own mistakes, and there is frustration in watching them ignore the problem and hope it away.  We cant do much about the peculiarities of our society, but we sure can make a facetious face at them.

I wish you all the best,

Lin(d)s / Facetious Face